Towards the end of 2009 I was unemployed and had a lot of free time waiting for promising news from potential employers. I didn’t want the days wasted on refreshing my inbox and panicking. So, I decided to occupy my mornings and afternoons with things that enriched my life such as exercising, cooking and drawing. I wanted to draw ever since I was an infant, unfortunately I never really knew what to draw and the fear of drawing badly was even more discouraging. I wanted to draw so well and in such a unique way that I never really got started. My ego played a self defeating role every time I picked up the pencil.
Looking at the planets residing in the 5th house of my natal chart it was easy to finally understand why tension was built up in that area of my psyche. I have both Saturn and the Moon side by side in Leo’s proud den. While the Moon in the 5th is a blessing for the creative soul, Saturn on the other hand brings restrictions in the form of very tough but rewarding lessons, but only for those willing to free themselves.
The 5th house holds many psychological influences, amongst them it is home to individual self expression and creativity. In her book Saturn: A New Look At An Old Devil, the very amazing Liz Greene had this to say about those of us with Saturn in the fifth house, “The creative flow is blocked, or if it is not blocked then the experience of self-realization which is natural may be blocked. The perfect circle of outpouring and inner transformation is interrupted, and the man often pours his energy out and thinks he receives nothing back because his own sense of inadequacy prevents him from realizing that it has nothing to do with the audience”. Greene also points out in the next sentence, “This applies not only to creative expression but to romantic love as well”. That second line was quite a slap in the face to say the least.
Anyhow, the audience has always been and still is at the forefront of my mind when I attempt to create any non-commercial piece, particularly when sketching and drawing. In my career as a commercial artist and designer, I play the role of middleman between the client and the audience. Therefore I am much less concerned with being exposed, it is my job to produce work for a client for a specific commercial goal.
After reading more about Saturn’s position in my natal chart, it was clear that I needed to exclude the audience if I was to do any drawing, that also had to include my own opinions. I decided to make drawing a very private practice using my ‘other’ hand because it made me feel vulnerable. Drawing with my non-dominant hand has ironically become my greatest tool. Using my left hand forces my brain to function in an unpredictable way. My feet turn inwards, my lips squeeze to the side and my vision at times becomes blurry. My hand jerks abruptly causing the pencil to pulsate in random spastic strokes. I reconnect to the child within, that same infant I used to be before I became so ‘right-handed’ and so egotistical. I draw in a sketch book made for my eyes only and don’t overly think about what to draw. There’s a full section on my journey with using my non-dominant hand in drawing and writing which I will begin in a week. The first drawings were very surprising, they were of my right hand holding the sketch book. I turned the tables on myself, I drew a sketch of the part of me that struggled all these years to draw.
A scan of my first drawings of the right hand using my non-dominant left. This was to me the most natural way to begin drawing using my left hand. I started to see that things we take for granted, including our own bodies, contain a lot more information and detail and we should take the time to see.
I have been operating my own small web design and online marketing agency for about a year and I have never felt more sure of what I am doing and the direction I am heading in. The road to this point was never clear, I had skills in advertising, design and was considered a ‘problem solver’ by many of my piers, but those skills made no sense in the bigger scheme of things, mostly to future potential employers. I was first employed in the advertising industry at the end of 2003. No one denied that I produced amazing advertising concepts and that I also had an affinity towards creative copywriting. I entered the industry through the graphic design stream because it was what my first employer needed. Graphic design was a hobby I picked up while trying to graduate as a mechanical engineer. Fortunately I was always able to create award winning ideas that grabbed the audience’s attention and win accounts. Thankfully I was working at a very small agency where I had the freedom to voice my ideas and take center stage.
Big advertising didn’t like my style at all though! Big advertising is just like any other big industry. There’s a supply chain and you cannot ‘skip’ between departments, positions, influence management or even meet clients. It’s just like every other industry regardless of how hard they try to portray themselves as a business that nourishes a ‘free thinking’ culture. I began to compare the advertising and PR industries with other sinister ones such as the drug and arms industries, but that’s just my own opinion. After 4 years of feeling like my passion and talent were being drained, I decided to call it quits and go on a self discovery journey by first actually getting a degree in the field. After a short search I found a course catered just for me. I talk a bit about the course here.
However, no one was still able to help me find what my true strengths and weaknesses were. One day I decided the only one that would truly be able to understand myself was myself. I can talk to as many professionals, friends, family, read books and so on, all those people and things are essential for the journey of self discovery. But the testing and analysis must come from within. I believe that it is true for everyone in which ever dark area of our lives we need to shed some light on, be it for work or personal life and so on. Which brings me to the section of my blog… Astrology.
Below is a short paragraph from my Psychological Horoscope recently purchased from astro.com.
“Another strength in your character is your ability to discern subtle connections between apparently disparate facts and circumstances, and to see a story or broader pattern which others might ignore. Thus you often grasp the essence of a situation or a person instantaneously, through a kind of ‘sixth sense’ which is usually extremely accurate yet which you cannot logically explain.”
I have learnt much from most sources, especially the collection of books I have amassed those 3 years in London, but nothing has been so essential to my growth in business and self as astrology. Some might say, that astrology is an outside source, I believe it isn’t, at least not psychological astrology. My birth or natal chart is a map to my own individual psychological make up. Our individual natal charts hold so much knowledge and wisdom for every major or minor aspect of our lives. Check this link out for a great introductory look at astrology by Joseph Dolezal, interviewed by a Spirit Science’s Jordan Duchnycz.
The chart is made up of 12 signs, 12 houses and 10 planets and all are aspected to one another, making 40 aspects in total. Then there are the current movement of the planets or transits and how they are aspected to one another and their positions, making another 40, so 80 aspects in total. In other words if someone was to say I am a Leo or Pieces, it would be as trivial as saying I am a Jordanian or I am an American.
“We are born at a given moment, in a given place and, like vintage years of wine, we have the qualities of the year and of the season of which we are born. Astrology does not lay claim to anything more.”
I have been studying my chart for about 3 years now and have not even begun to scratch the surface. I find it bizarre that we are not all aware of the personal power we can achieve over ourselves if we all had such a map and the knowledge to study it. I would advise any spiritual seeker, any curious soul or any person for that matter to go get their chart drawn, all you need is the time, place and date of your birth.
“Anyone can be a millionaire, but to become a billionaire you need an astrologer.”
-John P. Morgan