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Surfing Through Fear

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Last night I wrote with my non dominant hand in my dream diary asking my self to become aware with any dream I have during the night. I went to bed with a lot of childlike enthusiasm at about 10:30pm, which is generally quite early for me only to wake up at 2:37am sweating with fearful ideas trying to penetrate my waking mind.

I will continue from the point everything seemed relatively ‘comfortable’ however bizarre. My brother and I were shopping in a large supermarket somewhere in Canada. We each had a trolley and were strolling about picking up groceries. At one point we were looking for a special vintage cheese with a yellow and black wrapper. I couldn’t make out what type it was at the start but after what seemed to be a long investigation we deduced that it was some sort of Edam cheese. Things only got stranger when we decided to locate an indigenous Canadian tribe using a red laser, created for such curious endeavors by aiming it at the country’s map. At first it didn’t seem to work, which my impatient brother happened to point out. After a few seconds though a red dot appeared on the East, where the Canadian border meets the Atlantic ocean, then another up on the extreme north and then more at other locations but mostly in the North.

A few moments later our parents arrived to our location which morphed into a large open hall with no walls, just a wide open floor space that ended with sharp edges on all four sides. The space also had couches scattered randomly and scarcely. My mother walked past me with a serious frown trying to avoid eye contact with me and told me that my x-rays came back and ‘they’ had found a tumor. My father was also avoiding contact but kept mumbling what seemed to be humorous comments of encouragement. My best friend was there with his wife, both sitting on a couch also looking very serious but they did not know, so I decided to keep the info from them. The atmosphere became darker, at which point my aunt’s ex husband walks up to me with what seemed like a small patch on his forehead trying to convince me that it’s ‘ok’. He was trying to explain how he was through a similar situation and all I have to do it remove that part of my brain. I responded angrily and refused to listen to such an extreme solution. He then snapped by saying, “You can’t expect to eat a piece of grass that a cow has shat on to get better!” referring to what I would actually consider a treatment. I walked off furiously screaming back that I would eat every plant I can get my hands on and never remove a part of my precious brain. I kept on walking into my waking state.

This was not the kind of dream I was planning on having. I know better though. Our subconscious operates very differently to our conscious brain, it communicates through symbols not language. There was some serious symbolism for me here and I needed to calm down and find out what it was. I could have woken up feeling like the first thing I should do is head down to the hospital and book myself for an MRI. A part of me was definitely fearful but I resisted. I took a deep breath and scanned my past few weeks looking for an answer. By honestly reflecting on oneself it doesn’t take long to figure your dreams out, I will always stress this point. Dreams come in so many forms and they can have warnings, lessons, fantasies and they always contain raw honesty, which makes them a no nonsense source of Spark.

Two weeks ago during a night out with friends, I was listening to someone talk so passionately about surfing. I have never surfed, but the thought of it makes my heart melt and has done for as long as I can remember. I can give a million and one reasons why I never did, in the end the truth is they are all just excuses. I want to surf more than any other activity, I do not care to ride motorcycles, climb mountains or ski slopes, I just want to surf! I will discuss this in the future along with Pieces and Neptune but for now I just want to mention that it is a conversation I want to have with the sea.

During that conversation with my friend I mentioned, I actually had the audacity to say that if I was to fall ill with cancer I would drop everything and travel to surf. I was drunk and emotional but what a stupid thing to say! I am a man that believes we manifest our own world by thinking it. I look outwards into a 3 dimensional universe that extends with us at the center. I regretted what I had said the night before and my conscious mind thought it away, however my subconscious still had to hammer in a message.

It was clear there was more my mind was trying to tell me. If I want to do something in my life, if it means so much and I could feel it deep within myself, I need to do it. Work and the responsibilities that come with it shouldn’t be the priority I set for my life. My life is too precious to not follow my own gut! If I want to do something that will bring me happiness and joy it shouldn’t be put off. I’m not going to drop everything, jump on a plane to some beach and begin surfing as one might expect from a Hollywood script. I can achieve that desire and still operate everything else that is happening in my life in harmony. I must create that reality by first acknowledging its vital importance to my psychological and spiritual well being. Life is what we make of it, and the dreams we have can be a definitive guide to where we truly want to be heading. I don’t know what wisdom surfing a wave will bring but I do know from a very powerful inner source that it will be crucial in my life journey.
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Self Realization Through Astrology

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I have been operating my own small web design and online marketing agency for about a year and I have never felt more sure of what I am doing and the direction I am heading in. The road to this point was never clear, I had skills in advertising, design and was considered a ‘problem solver’ by many of my piers, but those skills made no sense in the bigger scheme of things, mostly to future potential employers. I was first employed in the advertising industry at the end of 2003. No one denied that I produced amazing advertising concepts and that I also had an affinity towards creative copywriting. I entered the industry through the graphic design stream because it was what my first employer needed. Graphic design was a hobby I picked up while trying to graduate as a mechanical engineer. Fortunately I was always able to create award winning ideas that grabbed the audience’s attention and win accounts. Thankfully I was working at a very small agency where I had the freedom to voice my ideas and take center stage.

Big advertising didn’t like my style at all though! Big advertising is just like any other big industry. There’s a supply chain and you cannot ‘skip’ between departments, positions, influence management or even meet clients. It’s just like every other industry regardless of how hard they try to portray themselves as a business that nourishes a ‘free thinking’ culture. I began to compare the advertising and PR industries with other sinister ones such as the drug and arms industries, but that’s just my own opinion. After 4 years of feeling like my passion and talent were being drained, I decided to call it quits and go on a self discovery journey by first actually getting a degree in the field. After a short search I found a course catered just for me. I talk a bit about the course here.

However, no one was still able to help me find what my true strengths and weaknesses were. One day I decided the only one that would truly be able to understand myself was myself. I can talk to as many professionals, friends, family, read books and so on, all those people and things are essential for the journey of self discovery. But the testing and analysis must come from within. I believe that it is true for everyone in which ever dark area of our lives we need to shed some light on, be it for work or personal life and so on. Which brings me to the section of my blog… Astrology.

Below is a short paragraph from my Psychological Horoscope recently purchased from astro.com.
“Another strength in your character is your ability to discern subtle connections between apparently disparate facts and circumstances, and to see a story or broader pattern which others might ignore. Thus you often grasp the essence of a situation or a person instantaneously, through a kind of ‘sixth sense’ which is usually extremely accurate yet which you cannot logically explain.”

I have learnt much from most sources, especially the collection of books I have amassed those 3 years in London, but nothing has been so essential to my growth in business and self as astrology. Some might say, that astrology is an outside source, I believe it isn’t, at least not psychological astrology. My birth or natal chart is a map to my own individual psychological make up. Our individual natal charts hold so much knowledge and wisdom for every major or minor aspect of our lives. Check this link out for a great introductory look at astrology by Joseph Dolezal, interviewed by a Spirit Science’s Jordan Duchnycz.

The chart is made up of 12 signs, 12 houses and 10 planets and all are aspected to one another, making 40 aspects in total. Then there are the current movement of the planets or transits and how they are aspected to one another and their positions, making another 40, so 80 aspects in total. In other words if someone was to say I am a Leo or Pieces, it would be as trivial as saying I am a Jordanian or I am an American.

“We are born at a given moment, in a given place and, like vintage years of wine, we have the qualities of the year and of the season of which we are born. Astrology does not lay claim to anything more.”
-C.G. Jung

I have been studying my chart for about 3 years now and have not even begun to scratch the surface. I find it bizarre that we are not all aware of the personal power we can achieve over ourselves if we all had such a map and the knowledge to study it. I would advise any spiritual seeker, any curious soul or any person for that matter to go get their chart drawn, all you need is the time, place and date of your birth.

“Anyone can be a millionaire, but to become a billionaire you need an astrologer.” 
-John P. Morgan
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